Life is ruff

Lily lives with the people, too, you know. And sometimes it can be rough. Or, in her case, "ruff." Get it?? Hahahahaha.

She is made to go outside to potty. EGADS!! What has this world come to, she asks!! She has made it clear to us that she does not like the cold. Or the snow. Or going potty outside. She is very much loved by my people, sometimes too much. The people lovvvve to tease her, chase her, be chased BY her, throw things for her to play with, give her treats, and SQUEEZE her to pieces! The people do NOT, however, like to bathe her, or take her out to potty. Those arduous tasks are left to the drones who also unfortunately occupy the people's place (Mom & Dad). Drones must do the dirty things no one else will. Drones have to clean out the cage - or den as we refer to it with Lily, lest she actually make the connection between the word cage and the fact that it IS a cage - since her highness still sometimes can't hold her pee-pee all night like any good dog should. Just so you know, we use the pc word "den" when talking to Lily. We are so clever, aren't we! Lily is very friendly. You could also say she is high-strung. Lily loves attention, and I know this sounds crazy, but you can tell when she doesn't want you to put her down because her back legs go buck wild looking for something to latch onto, and it's usually your pants. Or whatever. The point is she goes nuts! She digs her talons - er, claws - in for dear life. The dad-drone and I think she is fearful of being put down on the floor because the people then pursue her like the NYPD on a felon just busted loose from Sing Sing. To be fair, she sometimes brings it on herself. She has a nasty little habit of nibbling on ankles and toes, or whatever else is dangling or sticking out. You would think those little puppy teeth are not very sharp. You would be wrong. They are ginsu-knife sharp! And get this - those little puppy teeth supposedly will fall out! Then, just like us, she'll get big doggy teeth. I asked the vet what will happen to those little puppy teeth. He said - are you ready? They will fall out somewhere around the house or she will swallow them.

What the heck is up with that?? I guess my vacuum is strong enough to pick up puppy teeth. But so are my tender little feet! No, you are right, I do not care that she may be swallowing them. That is her own fault. I did not swallow any of my teeth when I was losing them. And I sure didn't leave them laying around my parent-drones' house for them to step on! How RUDE is that!!!!! Yes, I'm finding puppy-servantship is tiresome. It's like having another infant in the house, except the factory has been shut down for some time now and the Dad-drone and I thought quite confidently we were through with this infant stuff. Dad-drone and I refused from day one to get up with her in the middle of the night. Yes, she cried. And cried and cried, and wailed and whined and barked and yelped. But we just shut the door and went back to sleep. I truly to goodness did not care (nor do I now) if she is swimming in urine. I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF BED AT NIGHT FOR A DOG. I will clean it up if I have to, but I am going to sleep all night unless one of my actual people children has a need. Even then I try to get everyone back to sleep ASAP. Funny how she quite barking/yelping/crying at night after a few nights of that. Like I said earlier, she doesn't always "stay dry" all night but I am not complaining. The crazy part of all this is that we take her out - literally - several times just in the first hour we're all up. And she'll STILL pee pee under my kitchen table or poop on her now-favorite-doormat-that-is-no-longer-used-as-a-doormat-but-for-Lily's-intestinal-needs-only. We've tried taking the doormat outside and making her smell it so as to associate that with the OUTDOORS, but to no good. I am about ready to wrap her in swaddling clothes, safety pin a note to it that says "Please take care of her, we longer can," and dump her in a box on the church steps or the nearest fire station. I think there's a law that says I can do that. It may only apply to newborn humans, but I will check on that later. Well, it was a productive day until I got on my soapbox about the Lily-thing and decided to vent here about it. So now I have to quit this writing and go home to take Lily out of her cage/den and beg her to pee pee outside. Life is rough, alright, but not on Lily!