Conversation

I'm going to try to repeat this conversation as accurately as possible so that you can understand the mania that is my life. I just arrived home with Israel and Palestine. The conversation started when we - Israel and myself - picked up Palestine from the Y where he attends every afternoon (since Pennsylvania only has half-day kindergarten as part of what I will forever remain convinced is a "right-wing conspiracy" to make us eternally pay through the nose for childcare). Cole announced he had a good day, and produced a little certificate out of his backpack as proof thereof. As always, I was eager to praise him for this, especially in front of one of his siblings. I made some silly noise like, "Whoop whoop!!" to which Cole flatly said, "Stop that, Mom. You are not cool. Or awesome."

Being the veteran that I am in irrational preschool rhetoric, I did not take this to heart. Katie immediately rallied to my support, though, and said,

"Yes. Mom IS cool. And awesome, loving and caring."

I reached behind me and patted her knee and said, "Thank you Katie!! OF COURSE Mom is cool and awesome. Cole, that's ok if you don't think I'm cool or awesome, 'cause I know I am and so does Katie."

Katie said emphatically, "That's right, Mommy. Who do you think is cool, Cole?"

"Daddy."

"What about MawMaw?"

"Yes. She is kind (notice he talks about her in the present tense - she died a almost a year-and-a-half ago), sweet, loving, and peaceful."

"What about Chelsea?" (my dad's cat)

"Yes."

Annnnd here's where this convo slowly spirals downward into Crazyville...

Katie says, continuing her inquisition, "What about Tom-Tom?" (He WAS one of my dad's cats. WHO DIED THREE YEARS AGO.)

I interrupt before Cole can answer, "Why don't we talk about PEOPLE. Who are LIVING."
Although who am I to judge? Cats can be kind, loving, sweet, and peaceful too. It's all a matter of perspective.

So Katie says, "What about Mimi and PawPaw?"

Cole, of course, does not remember them, and asks, "Who is Mimi and PoPo?"

"Mimi and PAWPAW were Buddy's mommy and daddy. Mimi died when you were still in my tummy, and PawPaw died when you were just a little boy."

Cole replies, "Oh." Pause. "And Osama bin Laden was in New York when Jack was in your tummy, right Mom?"

I'm still not sure how we segued into terrorism from kind grandparents, but you've gotta go with the flow with these people.

"Well, that's not exactly totally right. Osama bin Laden sent some of his bad guys to New York City to attack Americans when Mommy was pregnant with Jack."

Katie offered: "And Mommy and Daddy were very scared."

"Well, that's true. We were. Jack was still in Mommy's tummy, and we didn't know what was happening. But it all turned out ok."

Cole apparently was keen on the fear factor, and said, "If Obama sin madden was alive (he couldn't quite remember his correct name, but I'm not about to correct him), I would shoot him."

"Let's not talk about shooting, ok?"

"Cole, Gina* isn't even IN our family," Katie says haughtily. "And what about Jenna*?"

"I love her A LOT," Cole replies. "And Momma, if Uh-sahma din Haden was here (again, not about to make corrections here), I would shoot him for you."

"Well, thanks, Cole."

"And I love all my uncles!"

"Uhhh...ok. That's great, Cole."

"Yeah, and I love my grandpas and all my grandmas, too."

"Welllll...uh...ok, yeah, but you don't have any grandpas or grandmas, Cole. You have a Mamaw, and a Papaw, a Nana, a Buddy, and a Grandad."

Annnnd silence. For about 10 seconds, until he said,

"Yeah...that's what I meant."

Names have been changed to protect individuals' privacy!