Going North, part 2: A new address in the borough of Confusion

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a homer. In other words, unless a major crime has occurred, then I'm going to pull for the home team no matter what, and against all others. Now that we've signed a lease for an apartment here in West Chester, I LOVE PENNSYLVANIA!! I'm now a Pennsylvanian (Is that right? That doesn't sound grammatically correct, but oh well. It'll have to do right now). While my blood will always "run Razorback red," I have no choice but to root for, support, and celebrate all things Pennslyvanian. I also have to work on spelling it.

That said, I was researching the differences between a "township," "borough," "city," "village," "random group of people living together," you know - terms like that. Apparently, we up here in the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania do not just live in cities. WE live in a township, borough, city or even village. I don't think there are any Pennsylvanian tribes, but I'm not ruling it out just yet. In my "research," (surfing the web on my computer), I discovered that New York City takes first place for defining boroughs. The web is replete with definitions of "borough," but it's always talking about New York City's five boroughs!

I am here to scream DISCRIMINATION! We Pennslvanians are one of seven states (or commonwealths as the case may be) in the country who utilize the term "borough" to refer to a unit of local government. Why is NYC so much better than Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Alaska, New Jersey, Connecticut, or Virginia? Or even the state of New York itself? Aren't we all about fairness, and equality? Why must the residents of New York City get all the accolades for what makes up a borough? Maybe we have the writers and producers of Law & Order to thank...always talking about "this borough or that one." And I would bet Israel or Palestine that as you're reading this, you are trying to name - in your head - the five boroughs of NYC. Well don't expect me to help you out TRAITOR!! Just remember I am the one who brought this injustice to light, k?

To complicate the issue here in the CITY of West Chester, they like to use part of the same name or word over and over again but in reference to different parts of the area, or even street names. For example, Goshen is a popular word. There is East Goshen township, West Goshen township, and naturally, there is a street called Goshen. Bradford - same thing. Brandywine - another popular one. PLUS this whole area is known as the Brandywine area. Whoever this Brandywine guy - he was either really rich or really popular. There are tons of retailers with "Brandywine" at the beginning of their name. Which reminds me - and I keep meaning to take a picture of it for you - downtown in the borough of West Chester there is a business called "Wine Chiropractic." This always makes me laugh. And want to make an appointment. Think about it...

The whole issue of using the same name/word over and over again just complicates matters. I keep merging some of them and I end up saying something like, "No, that store is over in the Westtown Brandywine township of Goshenville..." or something like that. They all sound alike to me. If it were me, I would only have one township with the word "Goshen" in it, one township with the word "Bradford" in it, and so on. None of this West Goshen, East Goshen, Northerly-southeast Goshen, Western Brandyville Goshenship. Oh, and by the way - don't write "township." You write "twp." That just makes me think of "twerp."

Each of these townships, villages, or boroughs have their own form of government. No, naturally they are not called mayors. They are usually called something like "Supervisor So-and-So," or "Manager Such-and-Such, or even "Commissioner Thus-and-So." The city - excuse me, twp. - council, is usually called something else that I don't recall. I blacked out before I got to that part of my research. I have managed to learn that a township is six square miles, and there are - get this - different classes of townships. You can either be first class, or second class. And you thought we were past a caste system!! A first class twp. has to have a population density of 300 inhabitants per square mile, and said inhabitants must have approve the change from a second class twp. to a first class twp. Believe it or not, some twp. inhabitants actually vote down such a referendum. Now that's just laughable!! Despite having perused Pennyslvania law manuals online, I could not find an answer to why they would do so. I will also mention that there are at least three classes of boroughs, and I think they are governed by someone called a president, but I started blacking out again before I could get it all. So, you will live in a certain township or borough in West Chester and your address, despite whatever township or borough you are in, will say West Chester. This is not to be confused with the actual borough of West Chester. Those lucky people live in the borough of West Chester in West Chester.

West Chester, is, of course, in the county of Chester. A little down the road - not sure which direction - is the town (village? city? tribe?) of Chester. Don't dare confuse us West Chesterans with just regular Chester. There's also a street - in West Chester - named Chesterville, and another one named Chester.

It all makes me think of Chester Cheese, which just makes me want some Cheetos.