Out of the Mouths of (My) Babes Vol. III

Katie recently sauntered down the stairs and solemnly approached her dad.  Cautiously she approached her dad, and quietly said, 


"Daddy, what is a conscience?"


I could see Dan's wheels turning.  He thought for just a second before replying,


"Well, it's like inside your head, the voice inside your head that tells you something is right or wrong.  You know it, and you recognize whether something you did or are about to say or do is right or wrong."


Katie took this in, and for a good five seconds she considered his answer.  Finally she threw her arms around his neck as she said,


"My conscience says you're gross, but I don't think so."


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The true product of a lawyer, Jack believes in the Constitution.   He believes in rules, regulations, policies, laws, codes of conduct, and any other maxims governing human behavior. He is always on alert for any breach of said rules, and stresses when someone close to him is the culprit.  He is quick to point out these breaches, as well as suggested consequences. We have often envisioned him as a federal agent interrogating a suspect on the multiple and varied ways he broke the law (these conversations always segue into how, on the other hand, Cole will be the one-man SEAL team six, and could very well be the man on the opposite side of the table from Jack.  When Putin or Obama hits that red button and stuff hits the fan, I want Cole in the fox hole with me and you should too.). 


How. Ev. Er.  Whether Jack adheres to said rules, regulations, policies, laws, codes or conduct or maxims may be another matter.  Admittedly, he's pretty strict about following school rules and such, but it's mom and dad's rules he apt to break. For example, no whining (nothing can make me snap quicker. NOTHING.  I have long asserted that we could have discerned bin Laden's whereabouts on September 12, 2001 if we had locked him in a windowless room with a five-year-old whining endlessly about why he can't have that pack of gum in the check out line at the grocery store. After only 10 minutes of that, throw in the nine-year-old b******g about why he can't get that new pair of $85 cleats and BINGO BANGO. I swear.  bin Laden would be singing like a canary!!  We'd have Interpol's top 10 wanted list rounded up by noon tomorrow. Well, Cole would anyways.).  Take out the trash.  No Wii on school nights.  No sodas.  And the mother load - Mom and Dad retain the right to enter your room and inspect your things at all times with no notice whatsoever.  This is the bane of Jack's existence.  He is adamant that we do not have this right, and has expended a lot of energy trying to convince us as much.  Rest assured, we are not even remotely swayed by his emotional arguments, but are always greatly amused when he says,


"But it's a free country!  The Constitution says we can do whatever we WANT!" 


My response? Well, in general, it goes something like this:


"I'm sorry. You live in a communist house. You CANNOT do whatever you want.  I will take what you have and distribute it as I see fit.  And do NOT expect that to be a fair distribution in your view.  What's more, I can and will confiscate whatever I want for any purpose I want. Or no purpose at all."


So there.  Go ahead and try to vote me out of office.